Why pagans convert

And a look into medieval memes, aesthetics and the mystical experience.

‘Lamb of God’ detail from the Ghent Altarpiece, Jan Van Eyck

Reading the research¹ material on Roman Catholic conversions suggests people typically convert due to marriage or from non-Catholic Christian denominations, with most having been raised with some degree of Christian background.

In England, there has been a long history of Irish and Polish migrants making up a large bulk of the Catholic numbers, but within my personal experience of RCIA, all present were British born and equally divided between male/female, spanning from teen to retired.

My experience as an ex-pagan differs in that I have known many who consider themselves pagan, new-age and even Satanist, and in recent years I have noticed conversions from among these communities.

I asked 10 people of no particular demographic about their experience of moving toward Christianity from a broadly speaking, New Age background. Their previous beliefs were largely described as ‘pagan/heathen’ and ‘esoteric’, while one respondent said ‘Levay Satanism’ - all at different stages of their journey into the Christian tradition.

“I would have considered myself a Pagan, a worshipper of the old gods, trying to piece together old traditions and customs. I was also sort of a perennialist.” – Dominika from Scotland

Immediately obvious was the majority of testimonies expressed an initial mystical experience that opened them up to a new world-view that was ultimately logical and rational. I think it’s fair to say that all converts feel some sort of spiritual ‘pull’ toward the Church and many others see the Church as a safe haven in a society where traditional values have drastically declined and ‘truth’ become a hazy concept. However, I think among former ‘new-agers’, the prevalence of a mystical element seems higher than expected among the broader number of converts.

“I kept having reoccurring dreams about Christ, his cross and certain saints, certain ancestors were there too. They warned me that these so called gods I prayed to and made offerings to were demons trying to get to me, hence why my life was so turbulent at the time.” – Nathan from England

Such a Pauline conversion dramatically changes the lifestyle of a person: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.” (2 Cor 5:17) Perhaps this is due to an openness to spiritual experiences, or perhaps it is the Holy Spirit knowing exactly where to meet the individual on his own path (the Road to Damascus). In Roman Catholicism, spiritual experiences are a gift of the Holy Spirit, instead of being induced by plants, yoga or other alleged spiritual practices. The new age idea of ‘enlightenment’ is that usually a spiritual experience is considered a sign of spiritual development, something that is essentially earned from doing all the right things. Within Catholicism, a mystical experience is unexpected and has nothing to do with pulling the right strings or being further up a proverbial ladder - it is a gift.

“The night of my conversion, I was a total mess. I had been trying to get off drugs (which was partly why I had turned to Buddhist meditation) without success. And I had things going on in my house of a spiritual nature that was making me very unhappy and scared… I cried out to God (I was talking to the Christian God!) and I said to him, 'If you're real, I really need your help, I can't do this by myself'. And at that moment, from my toes, all the way up my body I felt this peace come over me. It was the most beautiful thing. I sat and cried and cried but I felt such love and relief.”- Jenna from England

Anthropologists have explored how religion and ritual is integral to human experience and how we find meaning in cyclical (annual) communal activities, as if this acknowledgment explains it away.

I think conversion to Christianity is unique in that it can actually cause division within families (Matthew 10:34-36), but there is also often a slow approach to taking action to formally join the Church. It has been noted that those brought up in a Christian context are often formally part of the Church before they have their own personal experience of belief, and that with adult converts this process happens in reverse. Belief or Faith is the beginning of a Quest, in the same way as the proposal, engagement and preparation for marriage.

I asked the former ‘pagans’ about what contributed to their conversions and the answers were much like my own: beauty, art and aesthetics, medieval culture, history, heritage, Gregorian chant and film. Spiritual experiences surrounding fears and afflictions as well as dreams having an influence too.

One respondent described what felt like a personal invitation from Christ via a verse from Scripture:

“I would feel His presence near me in the most unexpected places, and His words in John 6—I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever—would resound in my mind as a personal invitation, one that required either definite acceptance or rejection.” – Josh from USA

This reminded me of St Catherine of Alexandria (4^th Century) who converted to Christianity due to a vision of the Virgin Mary with the infant Jesus.

There is a unique correlation between emotional/spiritual pain and that pull towards Christianity – I see this as a metaphysical connection to Christ’s suffering with which we are eternally linked via his universal sacrifice. Suffering is like a fast track to that state of being where our souls are open to spiritual self awareness. Without divulging details of my own personal experience, I have surprisingly found a gratitude for the suffering I experienced as a child in that I know it is part of my Quest.

“I believe they (previous beliefs) originated from a form of nihilism and pessimism, and an urge to join the counter culture. I don't regret some of the experiences I had as they opened me in a spiritual sense and began to form my concept and belief of God.” – Devon from England

Several respondents said that their Faith journeys began during Covid lockdowns – it is undeniable that sudden change, isolation and fear of mortality will initiate spiritual contemplation. I don’t think this is irrational, rather a catalyst that jolts you from the daily mundane into a moment of lucidity. This makes me think of the many saints who suffered due to imprisonment and isolation but whose faith became strong, such as St Patrick and St Agatha - again this contradicts the suggestion that religion is simply a vehicle for social bonding.

“As iron is fashioned by fire and on the anvil, so in the fire of suffering and under the weight of trials, our souls receive that form which our Lord desires them to have.” – St Madeline Sophie Barat

I have previously written on the importance of beauty, but it bears repeating. Simone Weil said there are only two things that pierce the human heart: beauty and affliction. These two things fascinate me, they are mysterious portals. It suddenly makes sense why the Blessed Mother is called the ‘Gate of Heaven’ and ‘Mediatrix’. She sits on that threshold of beauty and pain. I visualise it as a density to beauty and pain that pushes against the fabric of existence. Where there is a minimalism of feeling and impact (on the senses), there is an airiness, there are no vehicles for a spiritual substance to form. Beauty gives meaning to agony. The Church has built a golden altar around the image of a crucified man. The ‘aesthetic’ is then the sensation of relating to that.

“The beauty of the Latin Mass played a monumental role in my conversion.” - Dominika from Scotland

I think that medieval culture and history has an evangelising effect due to the beauty and richness of the faith at that particular time – especially the architecture. What is it about the meme of the medieval marginalia aesthetic that attracts even non-religious people? Why have the strange traditions of relics, hermits and mystical visions become a niche cultural phenomenon?

“I started looking into St Michael and St George, as representatives of a specific archetype. Over time I was just gradually exposed to more Catholic content and eventually began praying the rosary.” – TJ from USA

Religious tradition itself has been described as a particularly powerful ‘meme’ with various social and biological purposes ascribed to it. Carl Jung’s concept of the collective unconscious or the shared psyche adorns this rather stale explanation of reproductive drives with a spiritual element whereby a universal reservoir of symbols, themes and archetypes exists in the unconscious of all humans. So memes are exposing the (often subtle) desires of the people who perpetuate them via imitation.

The Medieval Meme / Source: Instagram @medievalwounds

The Medieval period was punctuated by conflict and disease, but I think it is also thought of as a time of passion and creativity – associated with chivalry, monastic life and exemplary literature. Exposure to the Medieval Catholic meme can often ignite this sense of radical and abundantly eccentric avenues of meaning. Scholars have suggested that within pluralist societies, religion often thrives within subcultures through providing a strong and precious sense of identity. Therefore, I think the meme is subconsciously expressing or interacting with this proclivity.

When I asked the former pagans how they felt about their past beliefs, the majority said, despite guilt for their previous lifestyles, they were grateful and saw their beliefs as a prelude and a necessary learning period which logically evolved into a powerful witness to others.

“My interest in the esoteric led me down some dark avenues that I shudder to look back on today. I will always be grateful that my guardian angel was watching over me through all of it.” -Josh from USA

One respondent said that the Catholic Church with it’s long history provides a theological wholeness, and I believe this offers converts a sense of authority and reliability. What lends itself to this reliability and the tendency of humans toward cyclical activities is the liturgical calendar with the repetition of observances. I believe this offers the seeker a treasure trove of intellectual and spiritual motifs and threads to consistently examine and implement in their lives.

“I’m very grateful for the exploratory path God put me on before bringing me into the Church because I feel that foundation was the fertile ground I needed to fully embrace Christianity.” – Chris from Scotland

Ronald Grimes² said that without rites people can “lose touch with the rhythms of the human life course”, and I think this is at the heart of what tradition really means and why in a society that seeks to pull apart traditional values, many people seek a steadfast and beautiful hierarchy with a deep history and significant ‘fruits’ such as the Roman Catholic Church.

“I’d say it was the sense of belonging and my fascination with tradition.” – Gabriel from Eastern Europe (on what influenced his journey to Faith)

Those who hail from a Pagan past, keenly recognise the physical and spiritual need of humanity for ritual and this has ultimately led them to the Christian tradition – this ironically mirrors the story of the Faith on the British Isles since the Iron Age. The next instalment of this topic will be an in depth look into the ‘New Age’: it’s roots, branches and fruits.

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Thank you to those 10 respondents for taking the time to answer my questions and give your thoughtful answers regarding your Faith journeys – God bless!

Please note: I prematurely posted this, so has been edited after posting!

1 Doctoral research conducted by Susan Longhurst of St Marys University, Twickenham, 2021

2 ‘Deeply into the bone: Re-inventing rites of passage’ By Grimes, Ronald L., 2000